We all experience anger at some point in our lives,
I used to get quite angry even aggressive when I spilled something. Anger is a natural emotion that can be triggered by a variety of situations such as disappointment, frustration, and loss. But, it is important to note that anger is not necessarily a bad emotion, it shows we care! However, it is how we express our anger that makes all the difference.
As a Christian counselor, I have witnessed how negative displays of anger can damage relationships. One of the most common ways that anger is expressed negatively is through aggression. Whether it is physical aggression like hitting or pushing, or social aggression like name-calling or passive-aggressive behaviors, aggression has no place in a healthy relationship.
As husbands, we are called to be the gardeners of our relationships. Just as a gardener may get angry about weeds in the garden, we may get angry about situations in our relationships. However, just as a gardener must take care in pulling weeds, we must take care in expressing our anger.
Aggression is a low-brain response to defend territory and life. It severs the connection between individuals and can cause irreparable damage to a relationship. Anger, on the other hand, is an upper-brain response that shows care and concern for a loss or disappointment and it is important to know and remember that it can be expressed in a healthy way without aggression.
It is important to understand that anger expression without aggression is a procession of care and connection. We can express our anger in a way that communicates our feelings without harming the other person. This means using careful words and tone that convey our emotions without inflicting further harm.
As Christian men, we can look to the Bible for guidance on how to express our anger in a healthy way. In James 1:19-20, it says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” This verse encourages us to take a step back and think before we react in anger. We should listen to the other person, be slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
In Ephesians 4:26-27, it says, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” This verse reminds us that it is okay to feel anger, but we must be careful not to sin in our anger. We should not let the sun go down on our anger and give the devil a foothold in our relationships.
As gardeners of our relationships, we must take care in what we plant and uproot. We can look to the Bible for guidance on how to express our anger in a healthy way. Let us strive to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, and in doing so, we can cultivate healthy and thriving relationships.
If you’re struggling in your garden of relationships, remember that help is available. As a therapist and guide, I’ve helped many individuals improve their connections with themselves, others, and God. With my support, you can learn healthy ways to express anger without aggression, heal from past trauma, and cultivate loving relationships in your life. Don’t wait any longer to experience the joy, peace, and love that come with healthy relationships. Contact me today to schedule a session and start your journey toward a more fulfilling and joyful life.
Meet the Author
In his thriving practice, Dr. Al, counsels couples and provides them with the tools and techniques needed to instill joy in their relationships so that they can live a happy and fulfilled life.